Leave a Mark Not a Scar
Yesterday was the first time I have ever heard the expression ‘Leave a mark, not a scar’.
Chances are, it’s been said at least 53 times to me or near me but it was literally yesterday that I thought ‘Oh, I have never heard of that before!’.
It is timely that we hear this expression as in Australia we are moving into the ‘beginning of the end’ with our final months of the 2024 school year in sight.
Recently, I spoke with a school leader whom I worked with many years ago. Talk about someone who made an amazing mark. Her dedication, innovation and compassion wrapped up in her enthusiastic optimism and love of education absolutely shaped me as a professional. I remember this particular leader took some well earned long service leave and was away from school for about a month. Another person took her place.
This person definitely left a scar on me, not a mark.
I remember not knowing where I stood with this person. This person would ice me out of meetings and when I tried to contribute would either ignore me, roll their eyes and, in one instance, said ‘don’t talk, just sit there and look pretty’… yowsa! I remember inviting this person to after work drinks and the reply she spat at me was ‘don’t you know I have my daughter’s birthday?!’ I wanted to say ‘Yeah, well I didn’t know love, I was just trying to be nice!’ but instead found myself apologising profusely and offering to cover a playground duty.
People who left marks on me:
Had a focus on students
Were predictable in their moods – they didn’t run hot and cold
Had an element of humour
Asked questions
Included me
Believed in me
When they had to draw a line, it was on the situation, not me personally.
People who left scars on me:
Were unpredictable in their moods
Would have personal digs – from how I looked to how I spoke and then say that I shouldn’t take things so seriously
Humour relied on being mean to or about others
Closed me off from conversations, decisions and opportunities to contribute
When they had to draw a line felt the need to overcomplicate or over-communicate which ended up sounding like they were unsure of their decision.
As a teacher, a school leader, a friend, a family member and a member of society we all have the ability to leave marks and scars. On the average day we might leave a mark on one and a scar on another. I guess the difference is knowing the impact your having and applying some first aid where needed… better yet, reduce the risk to avoid creating the damage that leaves a scar in the first place.
Anne-Marie
